Overcoming Conflict
23rd Sunday in Ordinary Time (A)
Jesus wishes the Church to be a united community, imitating the harmony of the Holy Trinity, and establishes his apostles with authority to “bind and loose,” to maintain and enforce the well-being of the Church. In the extreme, this includes the authority to excommunicate, expelling the trouble-maker from the community and treating him as a Gentile or tax collector (Mt 18:17).
But that is the final resort and exceptional. Instead, Jesus sets forth principles for maintaining peace and order in the Church despite the inevitable conflicts that will arise due to sin. These will work as well in any situation where people live together: the family, workplace, school. Following them will lead to peace; failing to follow them will lead to greater problems and amplified divisions.
Jesus outlines a three-fold protocol. 1) The first step is for the affected individual to speak to the one who caused the offense. 2) If that fails, the affected individual must approach the offender with one or two others in order to exert greater pressure and formalize the charge. 3) Failing that, appeal can be made to “the Church,” i.e., to the governing authority.
Jesus is very clear and specific in these instructions, and the most important is the first one, which is usually the one that is avoided, creating worse problems: “If you brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won over your brother” (Mt 18:15).
“Brother.” Jesus reminds his disciples that the initial attitude must see the offender as a brother, not an outsider or enemy. We are never “out to get someone,” charity must always be the motive.
“Sins.” There must be a real offense. Minor issues and personality conflicts need to be endured and accepted as part of life. We must examine in our own mind first whether the person has actually and objective done something seriously wrong, not just something that offended me due to my pride.
“Against you.” Is the offense in my jurisdiction (which includes people in my care), or is it someone else’s problem? I must have “standing.” At the level of step one, we don’t get involved in other people’s problems, we encourage them to deal with their situations. We must not become the “moral police.”
“Go to your brother.” Confront the individual directly and do not avoid or evade the situation, which allows the problem to fester and resentments to increase.
“Tell him his fault.” There can be no healing in a community unless the problem can be identified. Telling the fault forces the accuser to be measured and objective. Telling one’s brother what he did helps him to recognize what harm his actions caused, which he may not have fully realized or intended. Likewise, telling him what he did allows him to give fuller explanation if his actions and motives were misunderstood.
“Between you and him alone. Do not go to your neighbor with your brother’s sin. Jesus insists that the individual be respected, even if he has done wrong. Telling everyone else what my brother did is gossip, a serious and likely greater sin. Every person being accused of an offense has a right to confront his accuser and make a defense. Likewise, every sinner must be given the opportunity to make an apology without having to be shamed by gossip.
This extremely important part of the protocol gives the best opportunity to achieve the desired result, which is the personal effort of the offender to improve. Jesus always called people to repentance, but he was delicate when confronting sinners with their sins. Jesus never shamed a sinner, only the devil shames sinners with their sins. From beginning to end, Jesus insists that the sinner be treated with respect and even sensitivity. Only in step three – when the offense truly is a crime that affects the common good – would such a matter be brought to the level of the public. The practice today of airing people’s faults in public media is sinful.
In order to reach step three, the protocol must pass through step two, which is to establish the offense on the testimony of two or three witnesses. No accusation can be sustained above the personal level without corroboration. The governing authority (bishop/priest, parents, administrator, judge) cannot proceed in any matter where the accusation is one person’s word against another. There is no such thing as a “credible accusation” which sounds “plausible” but yet is uncorroborated. The practice today of accepting accusations as de facto guilt, whether in the media or even among bishops, is unjust, and a violation of human dignity. Someone may have committed an offense, but unless step two can be completed, it can remain only at the level of step two, which essentially puts the offender on “formal notice,” now that he has been confronted by a group of witnesses.
The principles which Jesus lays out in the Gospel, drawing from the Law of Moses, serve as the basis for the Church’s Canon Law code, and have also informed the legal-justice system of nations such as the United States. Jesus establishes the balance between protecting individuals and the common good from harm, while avoiding self-righteousness, moralism, and the insidious practices of gossip and rash judgement. If we exactly follow these protocols, the church will be at peace, families will become healthier, and societies will become holier.